I have been talking about this post for a few weeks now. Since Christmas really I wanted to articulate how I worry about the hearts around us. Seriously, I have reframed all of the people who haven’t spoken to us since we got foster kids as this: they are self-protecting from the grief that might ensue from loving these children (and us) because the pain would be too great when this “temporary” situation ends. How’s that for passive-aggressiveness. Sorry not, sorry. Okay Laraine, this is a sweet post (stick to the sweet thoughts).

To the brave people who have walked, nope run with open hearts and wide arms to love these kids selflessly, that we have for this brief time. I pray and worry and cry over how you love us and love them….I am so concerned. Its not my job but I am professional worrier. I am carrying the worry for you. How will it be when you give these kids a hug with hope to see them again and never do?

Meg and I know full well that when this placement ends (for whatever reason) we will be heart-broken. We will grieve the loss of an attachment. Shit, if we didn’t expect that and grieve I would really question that we are doing this right. That sounds masochistic, we are aware its gonna blow but because its gonna be hard doesn’t mean we should do it (or that others shouldn’t, too—wink, wink).

I digress. Okay back to our people.

When we left Augusta from Christmas, that was hard. It hit me. They might never see these kids again. That’s real talk. People, our people loved them; I mean we still recount the Kroc center fun. Rob, Marie, Mike, Poppy, Dani, Nonni, Grandma Dot…..real life celebrities around our house. How unfair to them. We brought kids in to your life that are easy and massively deserving of love. You loved. And that could be it.

Sharon and Lisa. You were Santa. You gave tangible love. And follow-up with attention and love at church. What if that last dip of communion is it? What if they don’t get to be angels and shepherds again. What if those name tags go unused? How do we expect people around us to forgive us?

Oh and I can’t even think of the little hearts (whose hearts are actually even bigger than their britches). Who can’t wait for another opportunity to snuggle and hug and chase around a field? Who can’t even hide their genuine love.

Don’t even get me started with my mom. #mysensitivesoul came directly from hers. She is screwed.

We are dragging people on an emotional roller-coaster. We chose this. They are just victims through association. None of them would agree with my perspective. They would count their interactions and opportunities to love as blessings (I am confident of this) BUT still I worry about how they will feel, when the transition occurs.

God please, please, pretty please don’t let people be afraid, let them keep loving but guard their hearts and lets just get a head start on the comforting for the grief they may experience.