On the eve of this first day of school, I pause to reflect. I think it was Maggie Tucker who taught me the metaphor of “life as a pendulum” it was ground breaking to me when I was all of 23. The concept that life swings from highs to lows. I began to use this metaphor in my practice although as I have matured and evolved the metaphor has taken different shapes. For a long time I focused for myself and with my clients about the highs and the lows, talk about BPD tendencies. Yikes. But in reality its easy to reflect on highs and lows. But its not as easy to reflect on the middle ground. I can easily talk my family highs and lows; those seem to engage and entertain but for a moment the middle.
I am totally prone to moving through the middle part of all life situations fairly quickly. Often dragging Megan along. She isn’t slow, she is just thoughtful in her moments of reflection. I would rather avoid the uncomfortable for too long pull up my boots straps and get to the solution. (not avoiding uncomfort altogether of course, I am a therapist)
We are doing good. Not particularily spectacular and on the mend from our broken hearts. We are chug chug chugging. There are funny moments, sad moments, happy moments, exhausted moments….all kinds of moments. The girls are normal girls. They are sweet and sassy (like sour patch kids), they bicker and are quickly best friends (like me and my sissy), they are funny, smart, and working on their manners. Then there are moments where we are reminded this is just temporary and their life is traumatic, just because they don’t live with their mama. Tonight, is one of those night where I pause to recognize this journey we are on and feel some tug of pressure to figure out the story. We are going to be faced with a new school, new teachers, new friends, new friends parents. Choosing to warn or not that is just temporary. I am slower this time, slower to build that village for these babies. Because our village is still in the middle and its hard to make relationship and say goodbye (or not get to say goodbye).
Whew, this was not meant to be mellow dramatic, I don’t think the middle has to be sad or sappy.
Tonight there was a neighborhood block party (we have the BEST neighborhood) and the girls were having a blast, eating all kinds of pizza and popsicles. I want to freeze those moments. I don’t think that is some ultimate high. I think that is a picture of the middle. Everyday life with community around us. Shooting the shit about our rapper neighbor (who we all hope makes it big) and complaining about the humidity.