There is no way I can explain everything in one post. Nor, do I think I have done enough of my own processing to get too deep about the magnitude of all that has happened.
I will start right where we are. We welcomed 2 new little children into our home this week. They are 6 and 7 year old sisters. These girls look so much alike that I could easily mistake them for one another. They are sweet and friendly and love the dogs.
Lets give a sentence or two about the elephant in the room. What about the other babies? My writing went silent in March of this year. Of course, it is easy for people to make some assumptions: we got too busy, nothing exciting to write about, I lost interest in blogging, but the gut wrenching assumption—one I assume most people have resolved is that they are no longer in our home. Its still very difficult to write these sentences, almost 3 months later. I have asked myself what is the narrative here? What can I share and can I share; those are two different columns.
Some parts that make sharing challenging is when I recall the innocent but awful questions we received from folks before we started this whole thing: “BUT wont it be so hard when they have to leave?” Our answer, with a smile was of course it will be, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. And we really couldn’t predict how our hearts would handle this, what feels like a giant loss. Welp, now we know and it’s probably the most mentally challenging thing I have ever had to face. I think having kids and then watching them go stirs up a nice big pot of let-downs. I know the narrative of all that occurred March 15, 2016 will be transcribed at some point, a little at a time. For now some lessons learned:
- We have NO CONTROL over the system of care for children.
- Clear logic and “what is right” is all relative.
- We are strong together and the community that surrounds us is the most supportive.
We miss those babies. To answer the question of “Won’t it be hard when they have to leave?” Harder than ever imagined. No need to reframe or rewrite the narrative. These few months have been sad; we were heart-broken.
Just because its hard, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. Serving others, giving what we can to those who need is something we can and will do. I can’t predict how sustainable foster parenting is for us. While we can, we will.
We can’t wait to “share” as our adventures with these little ones unfold. They too, are so deserving of love, community, and a safe place to be kids. I hope, I know our hearts are willing to do just that.